Dr Evil's House of Horrors: Putting the Evil Back in Guerneville

This is part one of a two part series where we venture outside the Bay Area to explore the abandoned areas of Guerneville, CA.

A coworker of mine told me about this abandoned amusement park right outside Guerneville. Its proximity to one of my favorite campsites (the back country of Armstrong Redwoods) was enough to convince the lady and I to make a one night stay out of it.

When we arrived we were greeted by this sign, a pickup truck with an impressive homemade brushguard, blaring music, and stuffed animals scattered about the parking lot. This place was definitely not abandoned. We decided to just mosey in and introduce ourselves and ask if we could take a few pictures. We met Lew. Lew is a performance artist. His art is scaring people in the most “off the hook” haunted house in California, his words.

Every year for the month of October they run Dr Evil’s House of Horrors. Now Lew really was a stand up guy, not only did he let us stroll the grounds but even took us  on a personal tour of the haunted house.

Before leading us inside, Lew also gave us a rundown on the history of the Guerneville itself.  It is a pretty twisted place.  For as long as anyone can remember, Guerneville has been plagued by an unusual number of murders and freak accidents.  The Manson family killed one of their own in the nearby woods.  Former U.S. senator William Knowland committed suicide in his summer home there.  Numerous people drown in the nearby Russian River each year.  In fact, if you search for “accidents murder guerneville” you will get pages and pages of these type of incidents.   Lew also mentioned an abandoned mercury mine where a miner went crazy in the 50’s, shot another miner, locked his victim’s wife and children in their house and burned it to the ground before turning his gun upon himself.  Of course, we then had to explore the mercury mine too but we will cover that in another post.

According to Dr Evil’s own website, the Native Americans thought these forests were homes for spirits who hated mankind.  They are punishing those who have desecrated the once mighty redwood forests that once spanned from Marin to the Oregon border.  The only thing that can satisfy these spirits is fear, pain, blood, and murder.  He also tells of a secret society that practiced human sacrifice in a nearby grove in an attempt to covet the spirits favor.  Now, of course, not much of this is verifiable.  I can tell you the entire area does have an sinister air.  Particularly around the mercury mine.  Also, I have personally witnessed a freak accident.  Last year when we were camping here, a friend severely dislocated his shoulder after falling a short distance out of a tree.  So it might be true it might not.

Dr Evil explains his motivation for his work: “We trade the fear we generate in this house each October for fewer deaths during the winter. Fear for blood, that is the deal, fear for blood.”

The house is divided into rooms connected by narrow passage ways full of mirrors, strobes, flickering TVs, and hanging obstacles.  The hallways serve as a primer, just enough disorientation to make the main attractions scare the eff out of you. I really wish I had taken the tripod as their lighting was top shelf.

Each room has a complicated back story conceived by Dr. Evil and his hooligans.  My favorite was the spider alien zombie mother.  If memory serves correctly it goes something like this: she was captured along with her husband (pictured above) by Dr. Evil in the nearby woods.  The doctor mated them and injected human genes into her fetuses.  In a rage, the mother-to-be ripped open her eggs and flung the aborted babies all over the room.  Her husband looked on while having his own abortion and getting his rocks off in the shower (OK, I made that last sentence up, but that’s what he looks like he’s doing, right?)

The zombie disco room.

The creepy stuffed animal room.  All the rooms are manned by elaborately costumed member’s of the Evil Posse who will pop out and scare the bejeezus of you when you least expect it.  I won’t give away any of their hiding places here, but rest assured there are plenty.

Look at the evil radiating off this mother.  This is the domain of Brainy the Clown, who I am pretty sure is played by Lew, although I didn’t ask.

Because the house was not in full operation when we went, we didn’t get the full effect.  Still, it left enough of an impression on my girlfriend that I couldn’t talk her into going back that night for the real deal.  I would highly recommend it to anyone looking to be genuinely terrified.  This isn’t one of those “corporate haunted houses” as Lew likes to say.  I can completely agree, there isn’t another one like it.  They are open every Friday and Saturday each weekend in October…at sundown.  Yelp and Directions

The rest of the park consists of a few decommissioned rides, a roller coaster, and a racetrack.

Unfortunately, per Dr. Evil’s orders, no pictures are allowed of the roller coaster “The Mad Mouse.”

So, you will have to do with this poor angle, from the main road.  More pictures of the park (including the coaster) can be found here

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